


i'm not ready to let you go

by fabulousfairytales



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Heavy Angst, Huntington's Disease, M/M, Physician Assisted Suicide, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 07:13:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18361187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fabulousfairytales/pseuds/fabulousfairytales
Summary: Life is unfair. Levi was only 31 years old when his foot started to twitch. He knew exactly what was happening. It's how it started with his mom and his grandmother. And now it's staring to happen with him.





	i'm not ready to let you go

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> So this thing happened thanks to my boo [schmittlevi](http://schmittlevi.tumblr.com/), so blame her, y'all. It's also part of the schmico week on tumblr, hosted by [justnotperfectly](http://justnotperfectly.tumblr.com)and is actually the thing for day 2. It's day 5... But worry not, i'll catch up on it (hopefully tomorrow). Which is also when you'll get a second, more happier story that I haven been literally sitting on for 2 months now, lol.  
> A big big thanks to my beta [theswiftiewholived](https://theswiftiewholived.tumblr.com/)!!

_“_ _Just get home as soon as possible, okay?!”_

The words had Nico worried throughout the entirety of his way home. Half an hour later, he found him on their couch. He was a sobbing mess, hugging the pillow that they had bought just a few months ago on their trip to Honolulu.

It had been their belated honeymoon as their wedding itself was a very spontaneous thing, and yet it wasn’t. Six months ago, Nico was involved in an accident that had almost killed him. They had been engaged for over a year prior to this and the accident was their reminder that they didn’t need anything big or fancy. They just wanted to be married and call each other husbands.

So after Nico woke up from his coma, 2 days after the accident, they promised they’d marry as soon as possible. Which they did. And they celebrated with a big party that Taryn and Dahlia had planned for them. They all had a blast, but after that, they just went back to work since they still had busy schedules. Months later, they finally managed to get two weeks off to finally go on their honeymoon. 

Nico rushed to the couch, dropping the letters he had gathered from the mailbox downstairs, and wrapped his arms around his husband. He had no idea what’s been going on, but he’s never seen Levi like that. It terrified him. What had happened that it broke his husband this much? 

“Baby, what – What happened?” Nico asked as he held Levi close, pressing gentle kisses into his curls and rubbing his back. 

For a few minutes, he didn’t get an answer. He only heard Levi’s sobs and felt his body shaking. It broke his heart, it broke him. 

“It - it has started,” Levi finally whispered as he buried his face into Nico’s chest. 

- 

Levi has been dreading this day. He was sure that he had still some time left. A lot of it, actually. And yet, his body had decided to turn on him this early. He was only 31 years old and just made it to attending in trauma. He just got married. This wasn’t fair. No, it wasn’t.

He knew that it started, the second his left foot started twitching. It was the same way he remembered his mom’s foot did at the age of 45.

The doctor side in of him knew that just because his mom has gotten it at that age, it didn’t mean that he couldn’t get it earlier. But he had hoped for it. He had hoped to be able to enjoy his life for a few more years. For at least a decade. But life was unpredictable. And now, Levi had to adapt to it. He would have to go up to Bailey and tell her that it has started. That he couldn’t operate on patients anymore, because the risk of him getting one of the spasms and killing a patient was just way too high.

Maybe it was a good thing though. That he got it now. Maybe by the time he was 40, he’d turn into some arrogant prick who instead of doing the right thing and ending his career, would try to hide and cover it up for as long as possible. What if he’d pull an intern or worse even, pull Nico into this? No. No, he could never do that.

And yet… He sighed. Finally, he heard the chief’s ‘come in’ from her office. As he entered the room, Miranda Bailey didn’t look up from the paperwork in front of her. She usually never looked up until you actually spoke up. But today wasn’t a matter that he could just start talking about. He needed her undivided attention. 

After a few seconds of silence, Miranda moved her hand in a motion to signal him to start speaking, but he didn’t. Another seconds of silence later, she looked up, arching her brow to show her dismay. Her features softened, however, when she noticed the nervousness surrounding her newest trauma attending. She hadn’t seen that kind of nervousness since his intern days and that’s when she knew that something must’ve been up.

“Dr. Schmitt,” she noted his presence, “What can I do for you on this beautiful Thursday afternoon?” 

Levi swallowed. Was it Thursday already? Levi could’ve sworn it was Wednesday. This whole thing was messing with his head – Oh God. Was this already another symptom? Levi’s heart began to race. No no no. He knew that his grandmother’s form was quick. Too quick. His mother had told him about it. She died 8 years after the first symptoms have shown. Oh god, what if his form was quick, too? What if – No. He had to calm down. 

Taking another step towards the chief, he fiddled with the letter in his hand before he handed it to her. Bailey furrowed her brow. Not looking at the piece of paper, but instead at the attending in front of her. She noticed him taking a deep breath before he started speaking. 

“Dr. Bailey, Chief. I regret to inform you that I have to step back from the position as an attending surgeon from this hospital.” 

She cocked her head to the side and squinted a little at him. 

“Excuse me?” 

“I – I’m sorry Chief. It’s –“ He sighed, fighting hard the urge to just let his feelings out and cry. No. That was something to do at home. Oh God, he had to tell Nico. How the hell was he going to tell - 

“Okay. What is wrong, Levi?” Miranda asked, much softer this time. 

Levi tried to avoid her look, but it was impossible. He couldn’t just look away from Miranda Bailey. That woman was a force of nature and if she wanted you to look at her, you did. She didn’t even have to say anything. People usually knew what her stares meant. 

“My foot started twitching,” he quietly explained. He wasn’t sure if she remembered what he had told her all those years ago when he saw the confusion flash on her face for a second. 

Miranda frowned. “That is all –” She stopped. She remembered the conversation they had after his job interview, after Richard had already left, and her features softened.

“Oh. Are you sure?”

Levi nodded. “Yes. It’s how it started with my mom.” 

“Levi, I am so sorry,” she whispered, not really knowing what to do. She couldn’t believe that it was already happening. That poor boy. 

“I – Thanks. I don’t know what I should do now. I mean. I can’t operate anymore. Where do I go? What do I tell –” His hand flew over his mouth. “What do I tell Nico?” 

“He doesn’t know yet?” 

“No. I – I’m sorry I –” He sniffled. Only now he had noticed the tears in his eyes that were on the verge of rolling down his cheek. Quickly turning away, he wiped them off with the sleeve of his coat when he felt Miranda’s hand on his shoulder. 

“Levi. Hey. I know it’s really hard right now, but you’re not alone. If you need any help –” 

“I do still need a job. I mean medical bills are gonna be... something,” he muttered. 

“Let me see what I can do for you, alright? You go home and speak with your husband later, okay? I’d love to send him home early, but –” 

“I know. The train wreck. I – Thank you, Chief. Really.”

“Whatever you need, Dr. Schmitt.” 

- 

“So... Huntington’s,” Nico repeated quietly with tears in his eyes. Levi nodded slightly, watching his husband closely as the wheels in his head were spinning.

“Yeah,” Levi whispered. “Please don’t be mad.” He carefully wiped away a tear that rolled down Nico’s cheek. Seeing this broke his heart. Nico rarely cried. And he only cried when Levi was around.

Nico frowned confused. “Mad? What? Why would I be mad? Baby, no.” 

“Because I didn’t tell you before. And I’m sorry for that. I just – I just thought that while I have the gene, it could’ve been that –” He sighed as he hid his face behind his hands. Nico pulled him closer. His arms were wrapped around Levi’s body. With his husband’s back on his chest, he pressed soft kisses onto Levi's tense shoulders. 

“You were hoping that if you don’t focus on it, it might not break out.” He knew him so well.

“Yeah. It’s stupid, I know, but –” 

“It’s not. It’s not stupid. And I’m not mad or angry at you. I’m upset, yeah.” He felt Levi flinch at that last part. “But not because you did something wrong. This whole situation – It... It just sucks.” 

Levi nodded in agreement. 

“Yeah. It really does.” 

- 

“God I love you so much, do you even know how much?” Nico raved with his head rested on Levi’s right shoulder, arms wrapped around his husband from behind as they were watching the sunrise from their balcony. 

“Oh, I’m pretty sure I do,” Levi giggled as he leaned in closer to Nico’s chest. “But you can always tell me again and again,” he added with a cheeky grin. It had been a quiet night. There was no real reason for them to stay awake, but sometimes they just did when they were both off the next day. Days off together weren’t such a rare occurrence anymore ever since Levi’s conversation with the chief. 

Thanks to Bailey, he was still working at the Grey Sloan. Not as a surgeon in trauma, but as a general physician. He was so thankful for everything that she had done for them. They both were, really.

Sometimes, when neither of them could sleep, they would just curl up on the Hollywood swing on their balcony and look up into the night sky, accompanied by their two cats, if they felt like gracing them with their presence. They would talk but also enjoy the silence between them. What mattered was being near each other. To feel the heat of the other one’s body. To whisper sweet nothings into each other’s ear. And to pet their little balls of fluff. 

They were sure that the cats knew that something was up. Kali used to keep her distance when they first had gotten her and Sprinkles, but ever since his symptoms have gotten worse, she would regularly curl up into Levi’s lap and demand to be petted. Maybe she was just growing older, but pets feel things like that. They were sure that Kali did. 

It was nights like these when Levi almost forgot that his body was slowly, but steadily deteriorating. But it was also those nights in which Levi didn’t care. Because he knew that he couldn’t change anything about it, so he might as well just enjoy the moment with his husband. 

Husband. That had a nice ring to it. It’s been two years since they had gotten married, but sometimes it still felt like it was just days ago. 

“You are so beautiful. I could look at you forever and never get bored,” Nico whispered, caressing Levi’s cheek and kissing his nose. They both giggled happily as Levi threw his arms around Nico’s neck to pull him close and kiss him gently. 

Yes, this was the perfect night. And he hoped that they would have many, many more. 

- 

“Oh, how about some fied – fired –” He took a deep breath. “Fried rice. How about some fried rice? Fuck,” Levi cursed, his hands curled up in fists so tight that his knuckles turned white and his nails dug into the base of the thumb. His speech had started getting affected. This was early. Too early. As in way too early. 

“Rice sounds great,” Nico agreed, softly kissing Levi’s temple as he wrapped an arm around his waist, the phone in the other hand. Those little speech impediments had started a few weeks ago. They weren’t always present, but they happened from time to time.

“I need to talk to Dr. Shepherd about the speech therapy. I should s-s-start it soon,” Levi then said. It was frustrating. But he knew with speech therapy, he could probably talk normally for quite some time. So he would do that. He would do anything to live normally for as long as possible. 

Nico nodded in agreement. “That sounds like a good idea, babe.” He gave him a soft smile before kissing him softly. 

“So Cantonese duck, egg rolls, and fried rice. Anything else?” Nico asked as he typed in the number into his phone. 

“Oh, maybe that fried pineapple stuff? With honey?” Levi gave him the biggest puppy eyes. 

“Anything for you.” 

- 

What was he saying? They had only been married for a few days. What was he on about? 

“B-b-babe, are you ok-kay?” He asked confused as he placed his shaking hand onto Nico’s cheek. Why was his hand shaking? And why was he stuttering like this? What was – Oh no. 

“Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. N-Nico I –“ He couldn’t breathe. No. This wasn’t how he wanted to tell Nico about this. Not like this. 

“Baby. It’s okay. I’m here.” 

“Nico, there’s something I have to tell y –“ He began but got interrupted by his husband’s sad eyes which he was clearly trying to hide. But Levi knew him. He knew every single expression on that perfect face of his. And he knew what his sadness looked like. 

“I know. I know,” Nico whispered, trying to fight the tears. 

“Nico,” Levi breathed his name. And then he realized it as he saw the date on the calendar. 2028? What? How – Oh. 

“How often did I tell you already?” He asked. Shit. It must’ve been progressing fast. He knew that they married in 2022, just after he had become an attending and right after Nico’s accident. It felt like it had only been a few days.

“It doesn’t matter,” Nico whispered as he tucked a loose strand of hair behind Levi’s ear. His hair had gotten a bit longer than it used to be. Not that Nico minded. Levi was beautiful no matter what. 

“Nico, please. Tell me.”

Nico sighed. It hurt. It fucking hurt seeing him like that. Not knowing anything that had happened over the past 5 years. Not remembering anything they had said or done in that time. At least he remembered him. He didn’t know what he would do if Levi didn’t remember him. But maybe he should figure it out and prepare. Just in case.

Just in case one day his husband would wake up without his memories of him. He knew that the day would probably come soon. The disease was progressing so fast. It was unfair.

“5 times. This is number 6,” he confessed after a moment of internal debate about whether he should tell him or not. He remembered last time Levi asked him that question. Nico didn’t want to tell him, so he tried not to, but Levi got so pissed, that he almost banned Nico to the couch. Luckily, he didn’t. 

“6 times?” Levi repeated in disbelief, his eyes widening, and breath quickened. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.

“Baby? Hey, it’s okay. Don’t worry. You’re just… having a not so optimal day. It happens,” Nico tried to calm him down, but to no avail. Levi quickly shook his head, taking a step back until he bumped against the couch and sat down, startling Sprinkles who after a moment of confusion curled up on his lap. 

“6 times, Nico. 6 times I’ve already forgotten everything that has happened ever since we got married. And I’m sure that’s not all. So no! It’s not okay! Me being sick is not okay!” 

“Baby –“ 

“No! I – Oh God. You must be so sick of it, aren’t you? You can’t not be sick of it. Sick of me. I mean who would want that? Being with someone like me. In this state.” 

“Stop it! Just – Stop this!” Nico interrupted his little pity party. 

“Yes, you forgot some things. You do sometimes. But you can still talk. And walk. And move. And you can laugh and cry and have fun. And sometimes you have bad days and they suck, but you are still yourself. And you are not alone. You have friends and a husband and two adorable cats who love you so much. And if I didn’t know better I’d say that it’s insulting that you think like that. I get your frustration. It’s just –“ He took a deep breath. As he closed his eyes, he felt something wet glide down his cheek. He hadn’t even noticed that he was crying. 

“You’re being very unfair right now. I’m doing the best I can here. Please don’t waste the time that we still have left together by pitying yourself,” he added, softer and quieter than everything he had said before.

Levi just stared at him with big eyes. He sighed. Nico was right. He _was_ pitying himself. And he  _was_ still able to do fun and enjoyable things. And he did have great friends and a wonderful husband that were by his side. 

“I –“ He nodded slowly. “I’m sorry,” he simply said. 

Nico nodded. “I love you. And I  _want_ to be with you. In sickness and in health. I love you no matter what. So when you’re saying those things… It hurts.” 

“Nico I’m – I’m so sorry,” Levi whispered as he carefully took his husband’s face between his shaky hands, wiping away the tears with his thumbs. 

“I’m so sorry.” He kissed Nico’s cheek. 

“I’m so sorry.” His nose. 

“I’m so sorry.” His other cheek. 

“Really. I’m sorry.” His mouth. 

“I –“ 

“It’s okay,” Nico whispered as he gently wiped away the tears from Levi’s cheeks. 

“We’re okay,” he added as he kissed him gently. 

- 

It’s been 6 years after the outbreak and at this point, the bad days outweighed the good ones. Which was why Nico took the day off whenever he was able to do so to spend it with his husband. The disease was progressing rapidly. Normally, after the first symptoms were showing, the patient had a life expectancy of roughly 20 years. But with Levi… Dr. Shepherd said that he’ll probably have 10. 15 if he was really lucky. 

Today, however, was a good day so neither of them would talk about it. No. Today was their day and they were spending it in the park near their apartment complex. They were lying on a blanket in the middle of the grass, right next to the fountain and were enjoying the warmth of the sun. 

“I l-love you,” Levi whispered. Nico smiled. 

“I love you too, baby.” 

- 

“I-it all ha-happens way t-t-too quickly, N-n-n-nico.” Today, his stutter was worse than normally.

“I know,” Nico whispered. 

“I can't do this anymore.” 

“Baby –“ 

“No!” Levi sobbed. “I can’t! I forget. Can’t talk. Or move.” He had his arms wrapped around his body as he was rocking himself back and forth while crying and shaking. He was a mess. That’s just what he was at this point. A crying mess. 

“Levi, please,” Nico begged with wet cheeks. He wrapped his own arms around his husband, pulling him close and kissing his forehead. 

“I love you so much. I love you so much. I love you so fucking much. I can’t lose you. I can’t. What am I supposed to do without you?” Nico sobbed, burying his face into his husband’s shoulder. This wasn’t fair. This was so not fair. Why him? Why did his wonderful and amazing husband have to die from an illness like that?

It’s not like he didn’t understand Levi’s point. He did. And he knew that he would want the same. He too would want to die with dignity, on a day when he’d still know who Levi was. He got it. He got it all and he would want the same.

But that didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt. It hurt knowing that the love of his life was suffering so much, that they wanted to die. He knew that Levi must’ve thought a lot about this before even talking to him about it. Lately, he only talked when it was absolutely necessary. His speech impediment has gotten worse over time, but lately, not even speech therapy could help much.

Nico understood all his gestures and looks. After all those years together it was hard not to and he was glad that he did. It made life easier. Not just now, but also before.

“Love you too. Really do. Have to believe me. Wouldn’t say this if I didn’t think it was the only way,” Levi whispered, pulling out his arms from Nico’s bear hug, to wrap them around Nico. His husband has always been so strong for him. Whenever he needed him, he was there to hold and assure him that they would be okay. And they usually were.

Even if he would want to write it down, he wouldn’t have the words to express the gratitude he was feeling for Nico. Not only because he was always there for him, but because he was also still treating him like a human, holding him accountable when he fucked up or telling him when he was pitying himself too much. He was so caring and he still talked to him a lot, even if sometimes all Levi could do was to nod or shake his head or hum. He was the best thing that has ever happened to him. 

In the past, he had felt very guilty for being like that, but Nico always assured him that this wasn’t his fault and that all he wanted to do was to be with him. Like they had promised each other all those years ago. In sickness as in health. 

“I know baby. I know.” 

- 

“Levi, I’m so sorry. But you know that you have to say it, right?” Amelia asked softly. Levi nodded. 

“Doctor Shepherd. I would like to end my life with your help. Illness is progressing very quickly and I’m limited in every aspect of life. In pain, suffering constantly and I still enjoy my life as far as I can thanks to my support system which my husband is a big part of –“ He closed his eyes and let out a sob as he was searching for Nico’s hand. Nico took it between his two bigger hands and kissed if softly. 

“Very soon, I won’t be able to live like that anymore. Can already barely walk. In constant pain. Sometimes I forget it all. What day or year. And today is a really, really good day for me speech-wise.” Nico nodded and gently squeezed his hand, his eyes dangerously glassy. 

“And instead of me telling my husband how much I love him as often as I can to make up for bad days, which outweigh the good by the way, I have to use it to ask you for your help, so I can die. Because as much as I just want to overdose on some painkillers in the safety of my home, I love my husband too much to have him deal with my body after I’m gone. So Dr. Shepherd. I’m asking you. Please help me die in dignity.”

Nico tried his best to keep it together. He really tried, and he almost succeeded, but then he looked at Levi. Levi, his beautiful and kind Levi. He has been through so much the past few years and it was noticeable. His stutter, although it was a good day, was permanently present. He was constantly exhausted, in pain and he had gotten so thin, because his appetite was barely there. Nico had to make sure that he was eating and drinking enough. 

The past six months have been exhausting for both of them. Levi has been getting worse quicker and quicker. So quickly that Nico had actually taken off the past 4 months to take care of Levi. He knew that Levi’s progression was fast, so he wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. And if that meant taking on the role as his caregiver, he had no problem doing so. He was a doctor after all and he did volunteer as a geriatric caregiver in his last two years of high school and the first year of college. He knew that it would be hard, but he also did know what to do. 

Sometimes, however, Nico was afraid of waking up the next morning. Especially when Levi has had a good day. Lately, there was no good second day. There were two good days in a week, but never following each other.

Good days were hard. Levi needed a lot of help and was still in pain. He couldn’t walk at all and had not enough strength to push his wheelchair by himself. So if they was at home, Nico would usually just carry him wherever he wanted or needed to go. 

Although his stutter got worse over time, even on good days, he tried to speak as much as possible if he was able to do so. He just wanted to talk to Nico. About anything. And be assured that he knows how much Levi loved him. Nico always said that he knew, but that didn’t stop him from telling him over and over again. Those were the good days. 

Bad days, however, were heartbreaking. They classified bad days as those when Levi wasn’t able to talk or remember. There were two ways a day of him being unable to talk would start. Sometimes, he would sigh and bury his face into Nico’s chest, hoping that tomorrow would be a better day and then go on with their routine. Those were the less bad days.

The really bad days were those when Levi couldn’t speak and remember. When he’s was trying to say something, but only strangled noises came out of his mouth, Nico could see the panic that would set in his eyes. That’s when he knew that it was one of those days. What followed was his husband bursting into tears, trying to hold onto Nico’s shoulders, but his hands would be too shaky to actually grab them, causing even more panic. 

Nico would then wrap his arms around him and whisper his wedding vow into Levi’s ears while gently rocking them back and forth until Levi had calmed down. Then, he would carefully explain the situation to him. At this point, he knew exactly what to tell him so he wouldn’t freak out again and Levi would usually just nod before Nico would carry him to the couch to make breakfast. 

There was only one day when Levi didn’t immediately recognized Nico. It was the scariest moment of Nico’s life and the moment Levi knew that he couldn’t keep going on like this. 

“You know you have to ask again next time, right?” Dr. Shepherd asked quietly, carefully touching his arm. 

Levi nodded, opening his arms for Nico to bury his face into his chest. “I do.” 

“Okay.” She nodded slowly. 

Nico couldn’t stop crying for the next hour. 

- 

They were lying curled up on the Hollywood swing, Sprinkles on Levi’s stomach while Kali was on Nico’s lap. With one hand he was petting the black cat, while his other was buried into Levi’s soft hair. 

Neither of them said anything or made a sound.

It was a quiet night

A perfect night

No cloud in the sky

Stars twinkling bright

The warm summer air

Floating around them

While the moon

Hung above

Two lovers

Arms around the other tight

On a perfect night

- 

It was a good day. Of course it was. It had to be a good day or Amelia wouldn’t be allowed to give him the medication. However, it was a really good day. Levi was glad. He couldn’t walk, but he could move his arms and he was able to talk. His stutter wasn’t as bad as usual, but it was still present. He didn’t care. Nico didn’t care.

Today was the day. Today was the day that he would die.

When they entered the room, Levi couldn’t help but to smile. His friends were dozing in the chairs next to the bed. Taryn’s and Dahlia’s heads were each leaning against Casey’s shoulders while his head was resting on Dahlia’s. They must’ve been spent from decorating the room all night. At least that’s what Meredith had told them. 

Nico chuckled softly as he got Levi out of his wheelchair to carry him to the bed. As Levi wrapped his arms around his neck, something he had missed doing, he couldn’t stop giggling which woke up their friends.

“There are our two lovebirds!” Taryn exclaimed with a soft smile.

“You two look good,” Dahlia noted.

“Thank you very much. They’re the outfits of our first date,” Nico explained.

“That’s why I recognize them! I will never forget Levi’s panicked call hours before to come over to his mom’s place. We didn’t question it until we arrived there. Turns out he needed fashion advice,” Casey remembered with a grin, causing the others to laugh. 

“Did you really?” Nico asked with a smug grin as he sat him down onto the bed.

“Of course I did!” Levi chuckled. “Have you seen yourself? Have you seen me back then? I was dressing like a grandpa!”

“I thought it was adorable,” he laughed as Kali jumped onto the bed.

They had spent hours talking about funny stories and weird cases and petting Kali and Sprinkles when Amelia Shepherd entered the room. They didn’t just stop laughing, instead, they invited her to sit with them. At this point, the room had already filled with people who wanted to simply speak to him one more time, but then stayed for the funny stories and the cake that Dahlia had made. 

Meredith and the chief had been the first people to come and stay. After them, Webber and the Karevs had entered the room. Basically, everyone who was off that day came to visit him. And the people that were working would swing by after their shift, like Carina and Maggie. 

Levi was everyone’s favorite. Of course, he was. He was sweet and hardworking, and he really enjoyed helping people. How could anyone not like him? 

By the time the clock struck 5 o’clock, however, Amelia and the B-Team, as they were still referring to themselves from time to time, were slowly ushering people out of the room. Everybody knew what was about to happen, but nobody dared to let their smiles fade. 

When they were finally alone, Amelia cleared her throat before she began to speak. 

“Okay. I have to ask you again.” Levi nodded. 

“Are you sure that you want to end your life?” She asked, barely keeping it together herself. “I’m sorry,” she apologized for her lack of professionalism. But what could she do? Anyone in her position would be close to losing it. It was Levi Schmitt.

He nodded. “Yes. Yes, I’m sure,” he confirmed. Amelia nodded too and handed him the package with the medication. Levi took the box, but gave her a little confused look.

“As you know, you usually have to go to the pharmacy to hand them the prescription, but I already took care of that,” she explained.

“Oh. Uh – Thank you. Thank you so much. For everything, really. Not just now. But ever since my symptoms started showing, you were there and helped me. I want to thank you, Amelia. Really,” Levi whispered, his stutter less present than the last time he had seen her.

“I’m glad that you feel like that. I was hoping to make you at least feel a little bit better,” she said, her voice quivering. “I am so sorry, I’m being so unprofessional right –“

“Don’t apologize.” He took her hand. “You’re a great doctor who shows compassion and empathy. I’d rather have you cry than not care about me at all. So thank you, Doctor Shepherd. You did your best,” he assured her.

It was at that moment when she knew that she wouldn’t leave the room without shedding at least a few tears. She nodded slowly before she was pulled into a hug, which was when she felt the hot tears trickle down her cheek.

“I hope that’s oka –“

“Of course Levi,” she said with a nod as she pulled back. She took a deep breath as she looked at the other four remaining people in the room, each with very glassy-looking eyes. 

“Alright. I’ll leave you now. If there is anything you need, I’ll be here, okay?”

Levi nodded and gave her a soft smile, which she returned, before leaving the room.

Looking down at the box in his hand, Levi sighed quietly. “So I guess it’s time then,” he mumbled as he opened it to get out the small bottle with the white powder inside. There were directions on the package and Levi huffed out a laugh as he dumped the powder into a glass before mixing it with water.

“Thank god it’s not another pill. Even after years of taking those every day, I’ve never gotten the hang of it,” he chuckled.

“At least then your risk of becoming an addict was very low,” Taryn added with a laugh. They all grinned.

“Okay guys, I love you all very much, but I think I’d like to be alone with my husband in my last moments,” he then said before he was trying to reach over for the cup of water which Nico handed him.

“Are you sure?” Nico asked quietly as he gave him an intense look. Levi smiled softly as he laid his hand onto his cheek, knowing that he didn’t just mean the part about his friends leaving. 

“I am. One hundred percent.” 

Nico nodded. “Okay,” he breathed.

It’s not like he wanted to change his mind. Of course, he wished that Levi didn’t die today, but he loved him too much to say some selfish thing to try and change his mind. He was suffering, Nico knew that. And he could never forgive himself if he’d made him hurt any longer than necessary. The sad truth was that there was no cure for Huntington’s. And there was no new super drug coming out to help him in the near future.

All Nico would be able to do was to care for him and watch him slowly get worse over the course of the years. He would have to watch him lose himself even more than he already did. And he knew that Levi hated it. He hated being like this, getting worse. He was breaking down when Nico had told him about that one morning when he didn’t recognize him. 

“Okay, well then,” Casey started. He took Levi’s hand and sighed. 

“I’m gonna miss you. A lot. When we met, I think neither of us thought that you’d go into trauma. And yet, looking back, it was the only viable option. You’ve always done your best and went over your own limits to improve. And I admire that,” he said, sniffing a bit when he felt his eyes becoming watery. He quickly blinked away the tears. 

“I hope you’ll feel better. Wherever that might be. We will miss you so much, Levi. I love you buddy,” Casey mumbled before throwing his arms around his friend, hugging him tight. He never had been much of a hugger, but Levi was one of his best friends. One of his best friends that after today, he wouldn’t see again. 

After Casey let go of him, Dahlia took Levi’s hand between hers and smiled softly. 

“You know, when I found out that you were the legendary Glasses,” she chuckled as Levi winced a little at that old nickname, “I was in awe of you. Of you and your bravery. If something like that would’ve happened to me, I don’t think I would’ve been brave enough to actually come back here. And not just back then, but I’m still in awe of you. For making this decision. I hope it will give you what you were hoping for. I hope that you’ll feel better. I love you, Levi.” 

She wrapped her arms around him one last time and when she pulled away again, she smiled with glassy eyes. 

“Ha, besides my dad, you three in here are the only men I’ve ever loved,” Taryn started. 

“And you Levi, you are my best friend. I love you so much. And I will miss you. But we will never forget you. You’re a part of us, deeply engraved into our souls and –“ She stopped. “Oh God, being with Carina really turned me into a sap, didn’t it?” The others just laughed as she wrapped her arms around him. 

“I love you too,” he whispered, not sure if the shaking was coming from him or Taryn’s sobs. 

“I love you guys,” he said after Taryn had let go of him.

“You are the best friends I could’ve ever asked for. You were always there for me. No matter what. And I – I hope that when I’m gone, you stay together. And look out for each other. And please. Please take care of this one.” He gently squeezed Nico’s shoulder.

“Of course.”

“Anything you want.”

“We will.” They all promised.

“I’m so thankful that I had you in my life. You are my best friends.”

A few minutes and one group hug later, Nico and Levi were left behind in the cozy room. Their friends had done a lot to make it feel like home and Levi was glad they did. Right now, he had his head rested against Nico’s chest, listening to his steady heartbeat. It was one of his favorite sounds in the world.

“How are you feeling? Are you in pain? Should I get Dr. –”

“No,” Levi interrupted as he slowly propped himself up to look into Nico’s dark eyes. “No, I’m fine. Just – just stay here with me. And let me look at you,” he asked with a faint smile. 

“Of course,” Nico replied as he gently kissed Levi’s forehead.

“God, I love you so much,” he whispered. “And I always will.” 

“I love you too.” 

They both smiled at each other before Levi reached up with his hand to cup Nico’s cheek. His skin was so smooth. He had watched Nico shave this morning. Nico did so every second morning, since his beard wasn’t really growing that fast. He could go two full days without having to shave before you could feel the first stubbles poking through. Levi had rarely seen him with a beard. 

Usually only when he was sick or they were on vacation. Or that one occasion he intentionally wanted to grow one, but noticed that it looked patchy and overall just didn’t suit him, so with a heavy heart, he had shaved off his dream of facial hair. 

Nico felt the little pull from Levi’s hand and placed his own hand onto Levi’s cheeks to pull him towards himself so their mouths could meet in a slow and gentle kiss. 

He had promised Levi that he would not cry, so he really tried his hardest not to. But it was killing him inside. And yet, he had to be strong. Just one more time. One last time. For him. 

He could do one more time. 

“It’s okay,” Levi whispered. “You can cry if you need to.” His voice was barely there. 

“No, I – I’m okay. I’m good, I’m totally –“ Nico stopped, a low sob escaping his mouth. 

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, but Levi shook his head. 

“Don’t be. I don’t want you to hold back. I don’t want you to ever hold back. Be happy.” He kissed Nico’s nose as he gently stroked his cheek with his thumb. 

“Although, please hold back if you ever feel the urge to put your fork into the toaster again. You almost gave me a heart attack back then,” Levi chuckled with his husband chiming in as he wiped away the tears from his face. 

If Nico disagreed, he didn’t say anything. He didn’t want to spend their last minutes together fighting. So instead, he just silently pulled him closer with Levi snuggling into his chest. They spent the next hour in mostly silence which was occasionally broken by one of them telling a funny anecdote, or one of their cats meowing. 

“Nico,” he whispered as he felt his eyelids becoming heavier. “You are the love of my life. Thank you for loving me.” 

Nico ran his hand through Levi’s curls. He smiled softly and kissed his temple. They only had a few minutes now until he would lose consciousness. And after that, it wouldn’t take much time until his breathing stopped and his heart beat for the very last time. 

“And you are mine.” 

Levi sighed, exhausted, as he propped himself up again. He just wanted to look at Nico one last time. There wasn’t much that he felt anymore at this point. His legs were numb. If he didn’t know any better, he would’ve assumed that Sprinkles had looked for a new place to lie, but the saw the spec of ginger from the corner of his eye. 

“’m so tired,” he mumbled as his hand wandered to the fluffy cat in his lap, petting his belly which was rewarded with a soft purr. His head leaned against his husband’s shoulder. 

“It’s okay baby. I’m here. I’m here with you,” Nico assured quietly when he noticed that Levi’s hand has stopped moving in Sprinkles’ fur. He gently kissed his forehead again as his eyes were slowly closing. 

“It’s okay, baby. You can let go now,” he whispered. 

**Author's Note:**

> So uhm... This happened, huh?  
> Please let me know if you liked and how much you cried (if you did)!  
> (I sobbed twice while writing it haha)
> 
> My tumblr is [orthoglasses](http://orthoglasses.tumblr.com/) so you can come over if you wanna talk or have a prompt!!


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